You dont hate people until...

As the saying goes (at least according to facebook), you do not hate people until you have worked in retail. And as it happens, I have been in that area of work for a few months now, and it really has hit the ultimate standoff between optimism and pessimism during this 'bank holiday'.

I had been blissfully unaware of humanity's annoyances until this month, as previously I was the ice cube in the store freezers with little interaction aside from co-workers, but alas it has all changed now, and my eternal optimism has to face wave after wave of angry looking women who would challenge angry birds for the namesake.

 

Here are a few particular quotes I get day in day out from the downtrodden and depressed, and some reasoning as to why I hate them, and why I prefer to use the self service checkouts when in the reverse role of customer.

"Are you open?"

My own doodle, shop is censored so everyone is happy

So I suppose this is meant to be taken as a polite gesture from a customer who wants to get their shopping done as fast as possible, but do the bright lights of till 15, moving conveyor belt, open swing-door and ANOTHER CUSTOMER STILL BEING SERVED give them any hint? NO!

It does concern me that they ask when I am in the middle of a transaction with someone else, as if the entire store is going to shut down before they put their items on the belt. I also try to put myself in their shoes and wonder why ask that question in the first place, when someone is at a till they are there to scan stuff, so why not just put the stuff there and get it done?

"You looked bored/tired/lonely so I thought Id give you something to do"

A real way to piss me off. Granted, the life of a till monkey isnt a social one unless you happen to get the express checkouts with a few people to chat to, but do I look that way for fun?

I am wrecked because I am after serving a seemingly endless line of tampons and quorn sausages, and when I finally get a breather you show up ready to make me do it all again.

Its not really the initial saying that is bad though, more that it has an accompanying natural law whereby once you scan this dear customer's items, a wild trolley will appear behind them, stuffed to the brim.

Problem?

Can I have a euro for the trolley?

And thirdly, for now is when they ask for a euro for a trolley. This request isnt a stupid one by any means, but more what the customer does to make sure he/she gets one...

Firstly (while I am serving someone else) they will enter from the front doors, and make a robotic walk towards you, making sure they are noticed by you from as many yards away as possible.

still while serving someone else, they will ask for a euro, despite there being a machine by the door! Whats wrong with it, will it try to attack you if you use it?

and of course, I cant open the till until my transaction with the other customer is complete, but the minute it opens, they rush in with their change, their hands about to grab the euro from within

and just walk off like that, completely ignoring the customer who is still awaiting change too you know?

this is a similar scenario...minus the gun...and hooded hoodlums

 

So thats only a glimpse as to my daily annoyances, yet I still carry through, brighter than ever, because hey, someone has to oppose the pessimistic aul ones, and who is better at that?

Time Management: Act III

The world is very much different from the one I had been in at the time of first typing this blog, and more so from the last post.

So maybe not THIS different

For one, I finally have the job I have been craving all year to keep my mind busy. Its a basic job at the low end of things, but its a job, something that many in this emerald isle would crave. Perhaps the  4 year long 'recession' has stagnated to nothingness?

Or maybe the tiger is still missing?

Either way I am a worker, and its given me more money than I can spend, and I appreciate every free day I get. There has been times where I did, for example, 10 days straight, and its great, but I long for the days where I would climb killiney hill and dream of great things. A bit of a paradox considering I was dying for a job. Suppose its rare to find money and free time in the same space.

If it were not for employment I would not be typing on this new laptop I have, wearing this new sophisticated outfit, or planning a trip to see my brother stateside and getting all t3h W1mm1nzz!

I cant help but feel like Nico on this one...

And to top it all, I did get my degree after a year in purgatory, so it was not a waste of time. I have even applied for a prototype year to see if I can improve my status in the world!


But time management has not gone without a cost. Everything in the previous world has been burned to the ground, from memories I cannot relive again, good and bad, to other jobs and people, and it has not been without casualties. You could argue that I have lost everything and won everything at the same time. Its a change of worlds from the happily free, but poor man to the rich but busy man indeed.


Heres to making moneys at least!

The Final Destination review

I am not a big fan of pure horror films or 'gore porn' films such as the Saw films,Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Ring, Friday the 13th, and the Excorcist among others.

Usually I prefer the tangents off of the genre. There is the Zombie horror, which is the best kind to transfer to a games man like myself, full of human social commentary with the usual action.

I Still think this is the best of its kind

There is the Science Fiction/Horror's like the Alien and Terminator series, blending action with bloody gore and some suspense

I even thought this was alright as a premise...

And then there is the comic horror where the films poke fun at horror conventions to a varying degree. Scary Movie goes all out for fun while the Final Destination Series has had a somewhat darker, though obvious humour in its films.

Not this obvious though

I have been a fan of the Final Destination movies since the younger side of my teens. They are never going to be critical masterpieces in the same way that Let the Right one in has been, and I know what to expect from the films;The lead character has a premonition in which a sizeable group are killed in an accident, saves themselves and a few others from the accident, accident happens, then one by one the few survivors are killed off in mouse trap type accidents. Aside from the exception of Ali Larter's character in Final Destination 2, no one makes it to the end of the film. Its more obvious to expect than what happens when a man sees a beautiful woman naked on his bed.

Despite my fun with the series, I have yet to see them on the big screen, which is a mighty shame with The Final Destination's case. At the time of its release, its big draw was that it was in 3D, and from the outset, not tacked on for that extra buck. It sadly shows when I finally saw it on the TV for the first time. Objects that fly out hit the walls of the TV screen and not right in my face, and as the film progresses it gets more and more noticeable with explosions, water and nails all flying out and about. Heck, there was even a sex scene, imagine the doorty fap in 3D!

They saw the 3D bewbz

So without the effect, the film feels very flat to watch, and CG effects are much more noticeable, even more so than the third. Still, it can't be all bad to watch, isnt the main draw overall about the death scenes?

Well, it sorta falls flat on that too...

The feeling of losing control, a theme in the third Final Destination in particular, is lost in the opening scene. the chances of escaping the Speedway crash feel somewhat greater to live than  its predecessors (fancy your chances surviving a Plane explosion or Roller Coaster ride?) The larger accidents near the climax also make death into some force akin to a Soldier with a chaingun with unlimited ammunition and grenades, killing ALL CIVILIANS just to get the survivors. Isn't 'death' a rather selective force in the series, why the deaths of the characters are more scary than if killed with many more alongside them?

its geting tired of singling out

 

Much of the previous instalments already got the cream of horrendous death sequences, such as the surprise bus accident, the tanning beds, the flying barbed wire, falling ladder, bathtub strangulation and so on. This film has a lot of retreads, with possibly the most scary being the swimming pool accident. Not by the act itself, but because it is based on an actual event.

The car wash sequence, while new, felt strangely non lethal. The suspension of disbelief is required I know, but I have seen Jonathan Goodwin tied down to a car in a washer in nothing but boxers.

Channel 4 in the noughties

Still, the Security guard is a pleasant change of the 'Evil black man that dies first' stereotype in horror (funnily, it is the racist redneck who gets it first while attacking a coloured man). The rest of the cast reek of bad character development. The romance between the lead and his girlfriend is worthy of attention, but IMO it would have been better had he done something that would save her but at the cost of his life (mushy but ah well).

My main problem, aside from the 3D failings when flat, is that it does not do anything over the top-fresh for the series. The fans watch the films for ingeniously gory scenes, and at the same time a twist in how the 'death' system works. The twist only really gains urgency near the end, and while I enjoyed these climactic events, the rest of the film plays by numbers and going rather refined over revolutionary. Its campy, overly reliant on the 3D gimmick and unoriginal.

So while I rank this as the lowest of all the Final Destinations, there is but one film in the series I have yet to see, and one which disproved the point of the title 'The Final Destination'. Will it be any good? I hope to see it soon!

Directed by a James Cameron Protegé (o.O)

I Love Halo/Halo 4 first look excitement

I am mad about one game series, and one game series in particular. That series is Halo. If I wanted one tattoo in my life, it would be this one...

Its the game series I would play forever in heaven, and forever participate in the ongoing conflict in Valhalla over capturing flags.

My desktop wallpaper c.2007

Its more than just a series of games. Its a culture, built around a space opera epic that can legitimately be compared to the hype and scale of Star Wars, a multiplayer experience that saved a games console, and a following known as the halo nation that are friendly, competitive, and ever questioning about the knowledge of the Halo universe.

No 2 Halo fans are the same. Some enjoy reading the novels about the more humane aspects of being a supersoldier. Others love the story of six lowly soldiers fighting the covenant army under cover of darkness in a city the size of New York. Some like myself, enjoy the feeling of delivering the business end of my battle rifle to another players head, and going on to win a match.

less than three

It is also a franchise that does not forget its roots, and at the same time it makes advances to keep up with the times. Two series of late have hit me as being examples in how not to do this. Assassin's Creed's original premise was simply that of a man hopping on the rooftops to stealthily strike a specific target, yet the latest look at the series has full scale battles of the american revolution, and more that of a mercenary than of a silent assassin. They made needed adjustments, which I like, but lost the way of the assassin, and looks like they have gone into full battle mode

On the other extreme, you have the Call of Duty franchise, which is at the moment king of the games industry. It has kept faithful to the CoD4 formula, but to a fault. No major changes have been made since 2007, and it shows with its latest entry, Modern Warfare 3. It is a stale experience that I thoroughly disliked for being akin to a DLC product slapped with a €50 price.

A campaign shorter than Terminator:Salvation says it all

Bungie came out with a quality product with many changes as their last hurrah to the series in 2010, Reach. While some players disliked things like armour abilities, reticle bloom and overuse of forge world maps, there is no denying that it was a success. It had all the elements of a halo game, and delivered something fresh at the same time. It had a great story, along with addictive multiplayer and stuffed with more content than some games have on two disks! Most importantly, like all halo games, it felt like the studio had put a great deal of effort beyond the ordinary to create such a game. Every last bit of love shone through in the details, like the references to prior Halo games like the night time sniping mission, or the grandiose set pieces such as the evacuation of a city before being burned to dust.

Remember Reach. Forget CoD

And the future looks brighter than ever, with 343 industries taking the helm, a dedicated team that are as big a fan of the series as the community, they could well make something special with Halo 4. the recent first look has had me more hyped than I expected, truly the Multiplayer looks like the child of a loving Halo 3 and Reach couple, and the campaign looks to bring a new take on the story of the galaxy's biggest badass.

Wake me when you need me

It is such a pleasure to see this vidoc showcasing little tibits, and at the same time keep pretty much the whole story, as well as more multiplayer details hidden. The hype is driving me mad! I hope that the series will rightly reclaim the throne of FPS king once the Call of Duty ship sinks from milking.

World Wide Web War 1: ACTA

So its near the end of Q1 of 2012, and I am getting bloody annoyed at the whole ACTA craze that seems to be sweeping across the continent like a plague...

I am not good at describing ACTA, so this is a rather user friendly summary of it

SOPA may have been averted from the world, at least for the meantime, but ACTA seems to have got by fairly easily, notice a lack of sites going dark over this one?


Back when SOPA was still somewhat in the news, I was looking for something related to ACTA, and all I found on the Irish news media sites was the headline "Hackers attack Polish government websites"


http://www.rte.ie/news/2012/0123/poland.html#article


What struck me at the time was that this was the only mention of ACTA at the time, despite all the widespread online protesting, it accounted for no media attention. A government website had to go down to get a news article less than 2 minutes long to hit the Irish public. Doing dangerous activities is the only way to get RTÉ's attention, and then you get labelled a cyberterrorist instead of a protester that needs to get the world to talk about ACTA.


Unfortunately, ACTA has seen less backlash over its persistence and, for me, the Irish view of acceptance. We protest for a day and then give up after a while. We are such wimps of a population in this country, getting bossed around, and yet we still take it every friggin day and do NOTHING to change it. We live our lives just getting little things being changed. For example, we lost indoor smoking and late bars, and despite the protests we just let it happen!


Thankfully, Bulgarians are not like us, they do something about the ACTA laws

http://www.rte.ie/news/2012/0214/bulgaria.html#article

Sign the petition against ACTA, they need 200'000 signs and are halfway there as I type. Heres hoping...


http://www.avaaz.org/en/acta_time_to_win_eu/?fJgDNcb&pv=38

The Rotten Republic

While I may have come across as a bit mean on my Tallafornia review, it is a show still worthy of my attention. It is a show that knows what it sets out to do; Shame the Irish with a corny Jersey Shore knockoff, to the point of self parody. More importantly, it works on that level, and does not strive to be anything more than that (at least for now).

the Stir is still getting stirred

A rather different show, on RTÉ is the Republic of Telly. It is the national stations best shot at studio comedy, and aims to be the #1 show from Irish territory aimed at the young Adults of the country.

For those not in the know, the Republic of Telly is a blend of comic sketches and mocking other shows, usually that of rivals TV3, but not afraid to take the mick out of its own programmes too. It has Dermot Whelan as host, with Bernard O Shea and Jennifer Maguire as support.

While the show has always made a smile come across my face now and then, it rarely has had me in stitches since its beginnings in 2009.

time to dig for the laughs?

I do enjoy a few things about it, notably its three main comedians and the idea that independant shorts get aired. Dermot does a better job than Neil Delamere did while host, making it much livelier and just clicking with the show overall, and the supporting cast can deliver on most fronts.

The supported content is a plus too, with the Rubber Bandits, Handy Sandie, Damo & Ivor and Damo Clarke to name a few contribute to the shows time on air, mostly through posted sketches. Here is a personal favourite of mine about the joys of hangovers.

But ultimately, it fails to deliver many laughs outside of these segments. Slag Tallafornia all you want this series, but it does not hold a candle to epicnewsdaily's Swipes, even when you have a song based on how crap it is.

Clear Winners

Also of note is the many swipes at shows that are not really the best to slag in the first place. We already know about kids beauty pageants and gypsy weddings but getting some laughs out of it somehow feels like getting blood from a stone at times. Maybe the audience already got the pokes at the differing lifestyles and it just didn't need explaining? The cookery shows are often desperate searches for some form of innuendo's, a lot of the daytime show is also a search for an elusive dirty word.

Other skits just aren't funny full stop. Jennifer getting pissed off at people? I got it the first time, but she does it at everyone, all the time, Y U no change?

I find comedy to be similar to an oscilloscope, a nice wave is made with highs and lows. If the bar is set to 11 all the time, as in Jennifer's, you cannot appreciate it if there isn't a skit of a calmed down and chilled character. With Bernard, its too low, with high points when he gets into a stand up routine over being a creepy stalker, but he needs more stand up and less faffing about.

It feels that the writing is holding the trio back more than anything else. There are lines that make the show feel like it is trying so hard to pull off jokes, and it feels very unnatural a lot of the time.  They do so well at what they do, but only as good as the lines they are given. GET BETTER WRITING IN!

Another excuse to use this fun pic

This is meant to be Ireland's best in Comic sketches, but it fails to beat the likes of Harry Hill's TV burp with its writing, nor its earlier incarnation, Colin Murphy's Blizzard of odd, in terms of programmes to swipe.

Am I the only one that remembered this?

At a production level, it beats a lot of what the land has to offer, yet it feels like its fallen short, and its ambition to be the top dog isn't working. Its amusing, but not hilarious. Im watching the next few episodes with a happy face, but I long to see things getting better, or else it'll lose my attention.

Tallafornia: Making the rest of us feel better

As said before in my Haywire review, I dislike overseas (notably american) portrayals of the Irish. On a somewhat related note, I hate the americanisation of Irish culture. Its why Santa gets milk and cookies instead of bottles of beer every Christmas, and why the D4 invasion has been unstoppable. 

OK, so maybe it isn't SO bad

But we don't quite get what works from American TV just yet. We as a country tend to do alright with what works in Britain because of the relative similarities in culture and obvious influences. We have similar shows, stations that transmit the same mush (TV3 and ITV is the best example) and British television also seems more 'grounded' than the smash hits that make American TV so great. Take me out, Master chef, and Come dine with me, are all shows of recent times that have been well made from a British base to work in Ireland.

American reinterpretations though have been quite mixed. We have taken influences from 'the Hills' and ended up with 'Fade Street', a dire take on improvised dialogue and basic acting skills. However, The Apprentice is definitely a hit, working with a very Irish Bossman in Bill Cullen  to work with a modern Ireland.
But we now have taken things down to a very low level with 'Tallafornia'.

The format is based on 'Jersey Shore', where a bunch of muscly men and skanky women share a house and then go clubbing and shagging every time they have the chance.

Theoretically the format does not make sense to work within a country like Ireland. Geordie Shore is on in the U.K so why not leave it at that, because a lot of the Irish MTV viewers see it anyway. Dublin is not the place to find these type of people either. the Name Tallafornia implies people from Tallaght, so anyone outside the place probably thought of these sort of characters...

But instead we have a different set of much better looking people, who just happen to live in the place.

With the house itself, it is about right for the location, a semi-detached gaff with the usual rooms (and a cheesy 'score room') save for the one fact that there is a hot tub in the back garden. Unless you are high up and rich, I don't think anywhere in Tallaght has a hot tub.

Finally, it seems a bit hard to find things to do in Tallaght aside from clubbing and shopping, what can the creators do about it?

But, to be honest, I had some strange feelings about the show once it got put in practice. It reeks of an amateur work mixed with professionalism. The main cast may not feel like true 'Tallafornians', but they do a lot of what many others in Dublin do. Trips to Tesco, The Wright Venue, play the Wii, head to a 21st in a clubhouse, all feel very grounded. At the same time, they do what very few of us would, such as absail in Killiney, bring women to the hot tub, or spend a couple hundred quid on condoms, lube, eggs and tuna.

Maybe the producers had this plan all along, to have it feel deliberately corny and be a satire of the American and British counterparts, and in that case it worked a charm. Its entertaining in the right mindset, and the cast of characters, while single dimensional, are growers. Some make for hilarious TV, such as Cormac, the most muscly of the men, but also awkward as f**k, adding to finished punchlines, walking like the terminator and just having a 'forever alone' stance in many situations.

"The Stir has been Stirred"

Theres other characters, such as Nikita, who judging by the show wants sex, no matter who or what it is. There's Jay , who acts grounded until his clothes come off, Natalie, who is into fashion and the vajazzle, Kelly who must have done modelling before this because she is in lingerie a lot of the time, Phil who acts as a typical man-whore, and Dave, who is getting with Kelly every other time I watch the show.

For all its efforts, it works on an unintentional hilarity, but to take it in 'highbrow' seriousness its a failure in most ways to any other televised show. Perhaps more practical if they based it off the D4 stereotype, but If you cannot bring yourself to watch this type of show, consider watching epicnewsdaily's version, which provides a running commentary on the show's highlights. Its among the funniest commentaries of anything out there, and what myself as a viewer seems to think at the right moments.

Give it a watch, for better or worse, you are enlightened by a show like this